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What is this?

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What is this?

Post by Eisia on Sat Sep 03, 2011 1:59 pm

My eyes opened slowly and gazed into... nothing. I have no idea where i am or what happened. I can feel wetness on my feet but it comes and goes - like waves perhaps. Maybe that's where i am. It would be cool if i was. I've never been to a beach. Of course i haven't, i lived in the middle of England. Or maybe i have been to the beach? I don't know. This headache is annoying the heck out of me. Maybe i should go back to sleep. Yes sleep is good. Unless you die of course. But do you know you have died? Anyway sleep...

A small crowd was gathered around a passed out pokemon. I couldn't yet tell what it was since the pokemon in front of me kept pushing me to the side. I wish i could see what it is. Aha! An opening. I squirmed through several pokemon's legs to come to a stop in front of a slowly rising Charmander. My head cocked to the side as it slowly frowned blearily at me, as if trying to figure out what i was. I think it's obvious. I'm blue and have a shell. And i'm small. It's Squirtle of course! But i have my own name. Alex. That's my name. I'm a proud male squirtle. With a shell. Have i mentioned my shell?

----

Only a small chapter but eh. I'll add more to it.
Comments & Crit?
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Re: What is this?

Post by Dragonartist713 on Sat Sep 03, 2011 2:47 pm

it was interesting. im not usually a fan of first person but i wont hold that against anyone ^^;

the only real criticism i have is (i assume the original POV is the charmander mentioned in the second paragraph) that to have the first paragraph ending with the character going back to sleep and then having them rising from the ground in the second makes it a little jarring. since there wasnt really an implication of any time passage between.



I Am the Red Artist
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Suess
Welcome to my Insanity.
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Re: What is this?

Post by Eisia on Sat Sep 03, 2011 3:16 pm

Dragonartist713 wrote:it was interesting. im not usually a fan of first person but i wont hold that against anyone ^^;

the only real criticism i have is (i assume the original POV is the charmander mentioned in the second paragraph) that to have the first paragraph ending with the character going back to sleep and then having them rising from the ground in the second makes it a little jarring. since there wasnt really an implication of any time passage between.

Thanks for that. >w<

This is going to be a twisted story so hopefully you'll understand it in the next chapters. ^^"
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Re: What is this?

Post by Dragonartist713 on Sat Sep 03, 2011 3:18 pm

ill try to keep reading then :3 as i said, it was an interesting start



I Am the Red Artist
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Re: What is this?

Post by Eisia on Sat Sep 03, 2011 3:39 pm

Oh good. I feel like such a nub though since this is my first Fan Fic. ><

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Re: What is this?

Post by Eisia on Sun Sep 04, 2011 7:48 am

The recent scandal of the human - pokemon was over and he now lived in the pokemon world, along with his partner. People trust him now - a big change from the previous event that made them chase him half way across the world. But that was because lies had twisted their minds and made them see red - simply blaming someone for the misfortune that was going to eventually befall the world.

A group of angry looking pokemon were gathered outside the message board. Or what it used to be. It had been vandalized - covered in scorch marks. A Charmander and a Squirtle stood on the outside of this group, looking from afar. "Does this normally happen?" Asked the Charmander and the Squirtle shook it's head. "Nope. Someone has done this on purpose." A frown creased the Squirtle's face before they turned and headed back, aiming to go to the mailbox. Since the message board had been ruined, the rescue notes had been lost, stranding fainted or poisoned pokemon in dungeon's with no one having knowledge of them being there.
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Re: What is this?

Post by electrabulb on Fri Sep 30, 2011 7:04 pm

can i use your idea but in a diffrent aspect


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Re: What is this?

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