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What are N00bz?

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What are N00bz?

Post by Bibarel on Mon Apr 20, 2009 7:55 pm

Noob is a slang term for a new person in a community, group, or video game, and especially on the internet (see internet slang). Noob is short for "newbie", another slang term that comes from the word "new". A noob usually means a bad player in a game, or someone who does not know the rules of a community. Being a noob is usually not a good thing.
In many Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game (MMORPG)s or other internet based games, the word noob is used very often. Noob can also mean someone that has a high level, but is not a skilled player. A person new to a game is often referred as a Newbie. The word can also be used to talk about a young player.
However lots of places (mainly internet forums and online games) use the word 'noob' differently to the word 'newb'. Where a 'newb' or 'newbie' is simply someone who is new to the forum/game/etc..., and a 'noob' or 'n00b' is someone who has no respect for the rules, does not want to do anything for themselves and generally acts like an idiot. So 'noob' has become an offensive term in a lot of places on the internet. To behave like a noob will often mean getting disrespect and lack of interest from other players.
Noob's are usually referred to by the 1337 (pronounced "leet") or skilled players, who have marginally higher experience in the game.
The word "noob" or "newbie" originated in World War II. It was a word veterans used to describe new recruits.
Recently "noob" is used mainly just as a name to refer to other player's in various games (FPS, TPS, RPG, etc.) It's usually a derogatory term, but can be exchanged as a friendly greeting.
Also, noob is used as the meaning "a person who does not know anything".
A noob is sometimes confused with a "choob" (a person with nice things but has a low skill level).

Okay all that fruity stuff aside now for the real guide
Since 22 A.D., n00b has been a popular word used to describe an almost indescribable species of failure. This word was invented by Jesus after turning water into wine and healing some genetically modified fat guy. After Jesus realized he had 73h 1337357 5k1ll5 0f d3m 4wl he began to use this word to insult the people around him. It is a conspiracy that Jesus stole the word from his great, great, great, great, great, great, grand father's cousin M0535 73h l337, who was famous for doing something in Egypt, as noted in numerous cartoons. It was said that m0535 73h l337 used this word in his rhymes and lyrics. However, since these lyrics were written on tablets, which were smashed, there is no evidence that he was the founder of the word. Although its intent is to humiliate and degrade somebody, the word "n00b" sounds like the word genital area, and actually implies that the person using the word:
* Has no life, as suggested by the simple fact that they spend countless hours playing particular computer/video-games (World of Warcraft).
* Believes UFOs will come to take them away and probe them (which is the closest thing they can get when it comes to sexual pleasure)
* Thinks that the Federation could destroy the Star Wars Empire.
* Is covered in zits and pops them and is scientifically proven incapable of talking to girls.
* Is constantly heard screaming "I sH007 uR 13G, wHY u N07 d13??"
* Gets pWned constantly by 1337 H4xZoRz in DOTA.
* Likes the opposite gender and spends all day eating mayonnaise, m*****ting, and watching reruns of Star Trek, Power Rangers and plays World of Warcraft for 9 and three quarters of a hour.
* Is losing touch of reality and thinks he's "Darkness", as stated above.
* Is constantly using words which don't even make sense.
* Is a purveyor of all things japanese, drawn, and jiggling. In extremely rare cases, the jiggling is omitted.
Although the word itself can be rightfully used to describe an extremely annoying or stupid player, the above section still stands. Here are some common conceptions and facts about what nerds call, "n00bs":
* Scientists conjecture that the common n00b phrase "Hael me plz!!1" is the closest thing n00bs possess to a battle cry. Some other common n00b phrases in MMORPGOMGLOLWTFBBQs are "giv me 1g". When the n00b gets owned they tend to utter phrases such as "im going to get ma dad to come round and shoot you if you do not give me money" and the common classic for Guild Whores
* "hahaha i am the CS: Source champion of the US". Replace US with server country and CS: Source with 'FPS that has nothing to do with RPGs'.
* Many L33T players agree that most n00bs' CAPS LOCK keys are permanently stuck in the down position at birth.
* n00bs are also incapable of using the letter !, and are known to break out into a frenzy of 1s, or if in particular danger/pleasure/general confusion the random extension of 2s and even the ever-controversial " (speechmark) (the forever controversial invention of 1881). This may, however, be secret binary code sent to other n00bs, but that would just be silly. If so, the n00bs' mastery of ineptitude would most likely render both the encoding and decryption flawed, and the already incoherent messages they send would become even more difficult to understand.
* The term is commonly confused with n00b, nub, and also q00u. This is a misconception, because, although n00bs are identical in every imaginable way to newbs, n00bs, and q00us, in reality each belongs to a different phylum in taxonomic classification. n00bs are more closely related to the common chocolate biscuit than to n00bs, or q00us.
Learning, maturity, age and intelligence are inversely proportional to one's propensity to call someone a "n00b". The younger and stupider you become, the more likely you are to call someone a "n00b" or a "fugly slit111". And no, young people are not entitled to use the internet as much as older people. This is because we are simply better than you, and always will be. Clearly, because you are "n00bs" at life, to use your own weird logic.Under no circumstances should you ever talk to a n00b. They are highly dangerous in their extreme radioactivity and the communication can be fatal. If you DO get in a direct conflict with a n00b, it is best to use one of the following tactics explained below.
* HOWEVER* In some cases, n00bs can be there to laugh at and pick on while you get your enjoyment out of making them cry. REMEMBER: n00bs have a right to be shunned and laughed at among the whole gaming community.
n00bs are often confused on internet games with deranged, semi-conscious, amputated llamas with little brain matter, because of the similarity in their gameplay abilities. In the event of an encounter with a n00b, one should take the following precautions:
1. Turn off chat to prevent grammatically incorrect language overloads.
2. If you cannot disable chat, turn off your computer immediately and curl up on the floor in a brace position. Do not contact relatives as n00biness is contagious and can spread to your loved ones.
The most primitive way to deal with a n00b is to smash their skull in with a large object. The best object to use would be their computer (this has extra effect as it calls up lots of emotion before their death, and a n00b with emotion is a rare sight). While they often inadvertently do get to do this to themselves by running into concrete walls, it still proves to be an effective method of n00b destruction as it leads to Dorkiness syndrome(except that they did start out as morons). Another very effective way to deal with n00bs is to use a purple twinkie.
Remember n00bs, regardless of their constant training, are totally inept at the usage of 1337. Whenever attempts to converse with n00bs are made using 1337 it will cause their small brains to blow and ooze out their ears. n00bs that are exposed to such verbal pwnage for prolonged periods will eventually die. Basically, you can train a n00b, but it will just be a trained n00b. When, on the rare occasion that they acquire a PC, some Mexicans have found a way to hook up to the intarwebs. They can often be spotted by their native bastardization of n00berisms. For example, "We are n00bs" would be "nosotros somos n00blamos", and so on. Also, they often times feel it necessary to insert their dialects into text-based communication, and will be prompted to place a G at the end of words that end in an and on.
Asian players are often times prompted to use internet translators to communicate with other English speaking players, resulting in a butchered version of Engrish. Common phrases that are used include "I am lag!" and "We roll on item now". Why these people even bother is still unknown, seeing as any attempt at communication results in ninja-looting the Sacred Charge from my Warrior.
GoldFarmers, often found on mmorpgs are mexicans and asians trying to do there best to make cash for their family.
Americans are by far the worst. These people constantly lag and can't spell words like "you", "A", "I", "Colour" or "potato". Many often find their ways onto overseas servers causing chaos and disrupting the general happiness of the server, then question why they got booted.
Europeans are especially troublesome, with the french speaking nations causing the most aggravation. Its almost like they have just learnt to speak and use voice com at the same time!!! The result is a terrifyingly noisy display of what sounds like the French language spoken underwater with a sock down their throat. The most established defence to this sort of n00b-strike is a hearty "STFU n00b, have you just learnt to talk???!one1". They never shut up
Recent studies show that the majority of n00bs found these days are often extremely timid. As such, an effective means of removing a n00b is to send him to a shock site. You shall most likely never see him again unless you are in the neighbourhood of the local insane asylum.
The origin of the Noob comes from the person reading this.an those rat basterds who think halo 3 is a real sport. the n00b lives in a s*** hole that he likes to call his grandma's crusty virginia. He crawls out every once in a while to see if any of his fellow n00bs are walking by. Coltin Deyoung is a mega noob call him at (nuked! -Cirrus) call him he can help with world of warcraft. He is banging kay staryzinski and Shelaa Deyoung call her at (Nuked! -Cirrus) and ask for hershe is dutch nd hott The way of the noob is very short, and simple. All you need to do is piss off other people with a shitty vocabulary. Use 1337 speak, repeat yourself, and calling non-noobs noobs are but some examples in which you are the noob. The noob has their own language called 1337, which translates to 'leet' for the people who can't make letters from the numbers, and is an incorrect spelling of the word in the first place. In fact, the word is Elite, stupid idiot who made the word. Gosh. Another part coming soon


Last edited by Cirrus on Mon Apr 20, 2009 8:40 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : A few swears and personal information displayed.)


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Re: What are N00bz?

Post by Cirrus on Mon Apr 20, 2009 8:41 pm

EPIC IMO! A bit derogitory at the end, though......but a very nice guide!


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Re: What are N00bz?

Post by Bibarel on Mon Apr 20, 2009 9:33 pm

It was a bunch of random numbers but okay? and derogitory?


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Re: What are N00bz?

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